


at the beginning with you

by flyicarus



Category: Captain America (2011)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 04:13:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyicarus/pseuds/flyicarus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>an exposition on how Steve looks up to Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	at the beginning with you

You catch the brown-haired boy looking into your room whenever he passes down the hall on the way to the stairs. None of the other kids bother, and if they catch sight of you, they laugh, but there's a look in that boy's eyes that's different, and you can't really place it. You're only eight, after all, so you're not sure you could place the look even if you tried.   
  
Later he tells you that he felt bad for you, and thought that you needed a friend. Which is true, but you've never exactly liked pity.   
  
The brown-haired boy captivates you, and you find yourself watching for him out of the corner of your eye whenever a group of children comes down the hallway, or at dinner, or when you're outside. Within a few days of being at the orphanage, you learn that his name is Bucky, or at least that's what everyone calls him, and you learn later that his real name is James. People naturally gravitate toward him, and he laughs loud and his smile is easy, and you wish that you were like that. You want to be just like him, because for all your life you've been sick and people have wanted to make fun of you, ridicule you, instead of being your friend.   
  
And one day, even though you're wheezing and bleeding and yeah, okay, you're crying too, even though you don't like to admit it, you feel the kid that's been kicking you in the stomach lifted off you, and you hear him cry out as someone pushes him to the ground, saying, "How d'you like it?" and the kid mouths off, and his friends stay behind them, clearly cowed by whoever is sticking up for you.   
  
You don't have the heart to look up, and instead you busy yourself straightening your clothes and wiping the blood away. When two small hands curl themselves around your pitiful upper arms, pulling you up, you finally look at whoever took care of you, and it's the brown-haired boy.   
  
"Sorry about those kids," he says to you, sounding exasperated as he pushes you back just a little so that he can look you over, two hands reaching out to tuck in your shirt, and you're too surprised to do anything to stop him, and he continues, "they're morons."   
  
"Thanks," you manage, looking down and away from his eyes, which even at eight you find arresting and kind of unnerving.   
  
"Hey," the kid says after a moment, sounding concerned, tipping your chin up so that you can look him in the eyes. "I'm not - I'm not like them, you know? I'm not gonna hurt you."   
  
You reach a hand up, wiping the tears away from your bloodied and dirt-covered face, and you're sure that you must look really stupid, and you don't know why he's bothering with you, no one else does. "I know," you reply finally.   
  
He nods. "Good. Listen, you're new, and I know what it's like to be alone. My sister got adopted a couple of months back, so I'm alone here too. You ain't exactly making any friends, so I'll be your friend."   
  
You blush fiercely at his honesty and eagerness, the way that he just says it matter-of-factly, like there was no other option for him, and the way that this is just gonna be the way things are, from now on. He seems to be waiting for something, although he grins slightly when he notices your blush, and you finally manage to nod. "My name's Steve," you say quietly, and he grins wider. "My name's Bucky. Well, actually, my momma named me James, but nobody calls me that, or Jimmy. Except for my sister, and like I said, she ain't around no more. You can call me Bucky, alright?"   
  
You nod, and he laughs. "You ain't exactly one for words, are you?" he says as he takes your hand and starts leading you across the yard and up the stairs to the orphanage. He squeezes it gently, and the two of you are silent for a few moments as he takes you past the coat room and up the stairs to the bathroom. He makes you sit on the toilet and he uses a stool to get up into the cabinet above the sink, getting out things to clean you up. Antiseptic, bandages, and the foamy stuff that you don't know the name of but helps get dirt out of your cuts, and you know that because your mother used to use it on you when you got into scrapes or fell outside of the apartment building.   
  
Bucky places the items on the sink counter and carefully gets down off the stool, placing it back in the closet and then closing the bathroom door quietly. He hums as he gets everything ready, and as he starts cleaning up your cuts, he says, "I'm going to take care of you from now on." It's a strangely simple sentence, but it's so sure and it makes your heart feel lighter for the first time since your mother died.   
  
And you remember that's how you started being friends, and it still makes your heart feel light. Years pass and the two of you grow up around one another, along with growing. Bucky's still the same; he still laughs loud and smiles bright, and he's funny, and he still makes friends easily, except now there's girls involved and while none of them look twice at you, everyone looks at Bucky. People actually listen to him when he talks. Gosh, you want to be just like him, all good looks and easy charm, and you try. You really do.   
  
You're pretty sure, though, that it's not working, and one day when Bucky notices you doing something that you wouldn't ordinarily do, he says breezily, "You're better off being yourself, Stevie. You're the best sort anyway." You laugh it off but you think that if Bucky likes you the way you are, then you don't need the girls or any other friends, though it would be nice to have either or both. You'll just be you, just plain old Steve Rogers, and that'll be enough, maybe more than enough, because Bucky Barnes thinks that's what makes you best, and the mere thought of that can make you smile brighter than anything.   
  
He keeps to his promise, too, always taking care of you. He has you sleeping in his bed during the winter, because he asked the lady who's in charge of the orphanage if he could share a room with you, and since no one else wanted to and the orphanage was getting pretty full, she lets him. He holds you close and thinks nothing of it, but you sleep better that way, although you never say so. Bucky patches you up after fights, knows all of the different medications you take, and how warm you can get before you need to see a doctor about a fever. He knows what foods you like best and what you can eat when you're all different kinds of sickly. He does this thing where he holds you against his chest when you're having an asthma attack, rubs his hands over you and whispers things to you, and you figured if it was anyone else, you'd feel kind of strange about it, especially once you get older, but you don't.   
  
This is Bucky Barnes, after all, and he's your best friend.   
  
You never really say it aloud, either of you, but you love each other, and if anything matters, it's that you two have each other. You can't say for sure what it is that you mean to Bucky, but you know that on your part, he's the best person in the whole world. He's better, faster, stronger, funnier, just everything more. And you learn to prize qualities like loyalty and bravery because Bucky has them; learn what it means to be a good person and a good friend by his example.   
  
That never changes. Whatever else does, the only thing that never changes is that for you, Bucky is the best person in the whole world, and you'd choose him above everyone, because he chose you and he's always been there. You mean to be there for him, for as long as he'll have you.   
  
Forever might be nice.


End file.
